10 types of women to avoid

“The great question which I have not been able to answer is: ‘What does a woman want’?” George Clooney. Well, I am not going to admit I have any experience with women but I do know a little and would love to share this with you. Some men may agree and perhaps even see their women in the categories. Women, of course, may or may not even recognise themselves.

Regardless, this is for your enjoyment and titillation. In these days of fuel hikes and ‘fantastic’ corrupt practices, we all need to relax and keep the blood pressure down. Just read and enjoy this to prevent blowing a gasket or worse this week! 

1.       The material girl

 

If this type of woman breaks a nail, she expects you to drop everything you’re doing to drive her to the salon immediately. There are just two words this girl knows, ‘I want’. It’s me, me, me, all the time, as she asks for expensive things that rip through your wallet and bank accounts like a tornado. She is spoilt and expects you to shower her with gifts all the time. She never forgets birthdays and anniversaries!

 

 

2.       The talkaholic

 

This type of woman is a talkaholic: She is a woman who can talk, only stopping to breathe. She talks about herself, her life, your life and those of other people around you. Everything about her is often laid open for all to hear as she makes herself the centre of attention. Your business and other people’s businesses are up for discussion. She cannot control herself and is unable to keep a secret.

 

 

3.       The hater

 

 

This woman is a feminist to the core who puts women first in all things. This type of woman can never be pleased by a man and she believes that men are the cause of all the pains and suffering of society. It is her strong belief that women are much more intelligent than men and are capable of doing things “the right way”. You don’t want to waste any time with this type of woman because anything that you do will always be negative to her. She wants to be and will boss you around.

 

 

4.       The critic

 

 

You would know soon as the first date is over. She is the type of woman who will phone you to ask why you have not phoned her! She expects certain standards of behaviour and seeks to impose her standards on you all the time. She is constantly correcting your ‘mistakes’ and flies off the handle easily. You only need to forget her birthday once to have it typed out on your brain forever. Nothing you do is good enough and a life of misery awaits the unwary suitor. 

 

 

5.       The sex bomb

 

 

This woman is beautiful, bold and uninhibited in the physical realm. She knows she has what it takes to disturb your hormones. It’s all about between the sheets. She has nothing upstairs and should not be allowed to speak in learned communities. She will definitely fail you in intellectual discussions and is not the wife to take to an office party. Well, unless you want everyone to ogle her body and envy your bedroom shenanigans.  ‘Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy’ Tommy Lee.

 

 

6.       The desperado

 

 

This woman feels left out and running out of time. Soon as she knows your name she will start calling herself Mrs. Your initial discussions will accelerate rapidly to plans for marriage and children as she uses the images in her head to trap you. She is so desperate to settle down that she will promise you male children on your first date! If you feel the sand shifting under your feet, know that she is already redesigning your room to create space for her luggage.

 

 

7.       The open house

 

 

You want free and unprotected sex that will definitely lead to an unwanted child? This is the  woman to meet. She has had children for different men and is incapable of saying NO! She has no qualms and falls in love easily with just anybody. She equally falls out of love soon as the next man asks her out.

 

 

8.       The clingy girl

 

 

This woman takes security to the maximum as she guards your body and your time jealously. She is so insecure you cannot do anything without her. If she could, she would follow you to work and the toilet! She wants you to call her all the time and needs to know what you are up to. Every other woman is perceived as a threat including the waitress in KFC. She makes you realise what you gave up when you were single!

 

 

9.       The gold digger

 

 

 A high maintenance woman looking for an ATM machine! The gold-digger will compliment you on your expensive watch, ask you what kind of car you drive, what you do for a living, where you live and so on. She wants the latest and the best and wants to keep you as a sugar daddy. Her smile is only as deep as the cake on her face and you can shake her hands but not her soul. She does not love you and never will, since you are just a meal ticket. Okay, as long as you know!

 

 

10.   The club girl

 

 

When all the good girls have been taken, these are the ones who remain. These girls are carefree and careless. Life is one big party as they roll from one joint to the other till the early hours of the morning. They may end up in your car or in someone else’s bed. You just never know. On the plus side, they are great to be with and dress to stimulate your hormone responses. Look beyond the flesh though as this one is not to take home to your mother. Okay, there is an 11th type. Your wife! Just perfect, with a bit of the above types sprinkled in!